My Journal's Secret
by Luna21VW
Summary: Casey and Derek where in a car accident causing Casey to lose 3 years of her memory, now she wants to find out what her relationship is with her distant step-brother who keeps avoiding her, but when she finds a journal entry on her laptop Casey finds the truth that she is in love with Derek Venturi.
1. Accident

**Hey Everyone, well this is my first fan-fic in the LwD department but i started re-watching my favorite series when I was a kid and I once again fell in love that I decided to make a Dasey fanfic so it's going to be a bit AU, and maybe, OOC but it's my fan-fic! oh and I DO NOT own LwD, just saying that now!**

**So this chapter is just a prologue/sneak peak explaing why it's short.**

_**Here's the summary: Casey and Derek where in a car accident causing Casey to lose 3 years of her memory, now she wants to find out what her relationship is with her distant step-brother who keeps avoiding her, but when she finds a journal entry on her laptop Casey finds the truth that she is in love with Derek Venturi.**_

**Okay summary sucks so let me break it to you in case anyone gets confused about the whole setting, this is set around there Senior year before graduation and I'm changing a few things so the accident takes place during there Christmas break. Casey pretty much loses her memory of ever meeting the Venturi family including Derek. I rather not spoil it for all you readers but you get the idea! Now on to the prologue/sneak peak!**

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My Journal's Secret

Prologue –The Accident

_The ambulance was driving down the street as fast as it could while two paramedics tried to help the young teens inside the car a girl in her teens about 17-18 was currently being attended to a nasty head wound, it didn't help that the girl was currently unconscious not responding, the other victim was also a guy in his teens about 18-19, he had a nasty cut on his forehead from the impact he received from the blow, but the major issue was the odd angle his left leg appeared to show, at the moment he was awake trying desperately to get the girl by his side to wake up holding her limp hand in his. _

_"Casey! Why isn't she waking up!" He cried out, the female paramedic that was currently helping out the young girl took a hold of a flashlight opening her eye._

_"__Her eyes are dilated she has__ internal bleeding we need to hurry they're both going to need surgery." __She said looking over at the guy__, he groaned when the other paramedic started cutting through his jeans on his left leg.__  
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___"The bone is out I have to snap it in place, it's going to hurt." He warned._  


___The guy __opened his eyes as he turned seeing Casey with her eyes closed a bruise forming__ on her forehead from the crash she had a peaceful expressing on her face if he ignored the dried blood on her forehead she would have looked almost asleep, but he knew better. He may have been in more pain than Casey was at the moment but he knew the moment she woke up she would scared and he had to be the one to comfort her so he knew that he needed to pull it together for her so he turned to look at the paramedic with focus in his eyes.__  
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___"Just do it." He said. The paramedic nodded__ seeing the change in the guy and the look of determination__ as he shot him up with painkillers and before he knew it he heard a crack and i__ntense pain coming form his leg that he screamed.__ The ambulance quickly turned into the emergency side of the hospital as they hurried the two inside.__  
__He felt his body being to feel the effects of the drugs but he tried to stay awake fighting the drugs in his system as he stared at the white ceiling lights above him, somewhere along the way__ he had let go of Casey's hand and__ the blurry faces of his parents were staring down at him.__  
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___"Son! You're going to be okay." His Dad said coming to his side. He turned his head seeing his Step-mother by his side tears in her eyes._  


___"Casey? Where is she?" he choked out worrying that something happened to her when they were separated._

_ "She's in surgery she's going to be fine you both are." Nora told him trying to be assuring. He__ sighed relieved that Casey was going to be okay so he__ closed his eyes letting himself lose in the darkness thinking of Casey Macdonald. _

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**And there you guys have that part, no need to write who the guy holding Casey's hand was since I'm sure everyone has an idea of who it was ;)**

** now than on to the first chapter!**


	2. Amnesia

Chapter One _ Amnesia_

~Casey

A noise— that's what had woken me up as I blinked slowly opening my eyes I was in a bright blue room with a few lights out except for the one over my head. My first thoughts were what was I doing here? Where was here?

There was a machine next to me beeping and I realized it would keep doing that every five seconds and I was already starting to get annoyed. I sucked in a breath through my mouth when I realized there was something pressed into my nose I tried to move it, but when I raised my hand something was stopping me I turned seeing it was actually a guy sitting next to my bed— holding my hand.

I tried not to panic seeing a strange guy who's head was laying on the bed his fingers entwined with mine, instead I calmed myself down to get a better look at the guy, he had shaggy copper brown hair and has laying close to me that if I woke up he would have been the first thing I would see. He wasn't sitting on a regular chair but in a wheelchair wearing a pale white robe indicating he was supposed to be in a hospital and not in my room.

That's when it hit me, I knew exactly where I was now I was in the hospital, and if the guy next to me was a patient that meant I was too. I closed my eyes trying to push the hard lump that started to form around my throat whenever I was about to cry I could not freak out now I needed to be calm and collect, for some reason when my eyes landed on the guy I couldn't help but feel myself begin to relax the way he held my hand felt like he was trying to assure me he was there almost like he wanted to protect me and I couldn't help wonder why?

I tried to sit up and winced when I felt pain run through my head; the moment I rose I squeezed the guy's hand.

"Ow." I groaned raising my empty hand to my head feeling a bandage, I could feel the tears begin to form it was bad enough I was in a hospital with a good looking guy holding my hand but to realize I had been hurt made me feel how scared I was. Before I could call the nurse to demand what happened to me the guy next to me squeezed my hand. I whipped my head wincing at the pain seeing him awake and staring at me. I was surprised to see warm chocolate brown eyes watching me with a soft smile that could melt any heart looking straight at me.

"Hey, are you feeling okay?" he asked me with concern in his voice as he reached out to wipe a single tear that escaped as it rolled down my cheek, the moment he touched me I felt something in my heart clench tight almost like I wanted him to continue touching me, but why?

I noticed a bandage that mirror my own on his head along with a few stiches on his eyebrow that would most likely scar, even with the beat up look he was still good looking and he was in my room. This had to be a mistake, there was no way a cute guy would be here with me, but there he was and he was staring at me with a worried expression on his face making me realize that I hadn't answered his question because I had been too busy staring at him, creeper much?

"Sore my head hurts." I answered shyly as I raised my free hand to my cheek wincing when I came in contact with another band-aide, the sad look I got from the guy made me realize that I must have looked pretty beat up.

"You received a few blows, but I took most of the impact away from you." He said. I couldn't help look at him in the wheelchair putting it together that we must have been together in the accident.

"You did, but why?" I couldn't help ask. He gave me a look that made me feel stupid as he held our entwined hands together for me to see.

"Really dumb thing to ask Space-Case." He said. I couldn't help blush which he noticed as he gave me a smirk making me see that under the warm expression there was a bad boy underneath and that brought me to really blush hard.

"That's not my name." I said without thinking. The guy gave me a weird look now sensing that there was something wrong.

"It's what I call you Casey, you know that." He said. I gave him a confused look when I heard him say my name, he knew who I was, but I didn't know who he was to me.

"No I don't, I don't even know you." I said a bit defenseless. He stared at me with wide eyes as he opened his mouth and then closed it. I wanted to take it back, I wanted him to keep smiling at me and stare at me with those warm eyes not with an expression I couldn't read, and most of all I didn't like the way he had let go off my hand the moment he pulled away I felt like part of me had gone with him, and I was never going to get it back.

Ten minutes later after a nurse came in finding me wake went to go get my family and the doctor I was a bit surprised when she addressed me and the guy who had pushed himself away from my side, and now sat at the foot of my bed watching me. It didn't bother me that he was staring at me, what did bug me was the deep frown on his lips not to mention every time we locked eyes my heart would skip a beat causing him to smirk, seeing that smirk on his face made me want to wipe it off of him but I couldn't explain _why _I felt that way towards him so when I saw two familiars faces walk through the door I completely crumpled seeing my Mom walk in with Lizzie behind her.

"Mom?" I cried as she came to my side giving me a big hug or I think it was my Mom instead of having her brown shoulder length like she normally had it, it was cut short to her chin, Lizzie on the other hand looked a bit taller and I could make out feminine curves appear as my sister went to my other side placing a comforting hand on my shoulder while Mom kissed my cheek.

"It's okay Casey, you're fine now." She told me but when I turned seeing two strange people standing behind the guy in the wheelchair I knew I wasn't fine.

"Mom, who are these people in my room?" I asked turning to look at her, Mom's eyes went wide as she turned to the man, he looked to be in his early forties with light dirty blond hair and light blue eyes I was a bit shocked when Mom gave my shoulder a squeeze before moving to stand next to the strange man while the doctor went to exam me. Lizzie stayed by my side but the entire time I watched my Mother in the arms of a stranger, along with their being another boy who looked to be around Lizzie's age with short brown hair, and dark brown eyes as he whispered harshly to the guy in the wheelchair.

"Just as I assumed the blow to her head has caused Casey to have amnesia." The doctor announced. Their was stunned silence, but I couldn't help laugh at this assumption how could I have amnesia if I recognized my own Mother and sister I was about to tell that doctor that and also demand to see his medical license but Mom beat me to it.

"Are you sure? If Casey had amnesia she wouldn't have known I was her Mother." She said. I couldn't help stare at my Mother with pride at least she knew that what the doctor was saying wasn't right, that is until the doctor opened his mouth.

"Because we were able to treat Casey the moment she arrived she did have swelling in her brain I believe only half of Casey's memory is missing the other half is perfectly intact." He declared. I couldn't help narrow my eyes at this as I crossed my arms together this was stupid I did not have amnesia and I wanted an explanation why my Mother was in the arms of a man who was currently comforting her placing small kisses to her hair.

"But I'm fine." I answered. The boy rolled his eyes while the guy next to him lifted his lips in a somewhat smile clearly I had amused him, but I didn't care what he was thinking— okay I did care but at the moment I was trying to ignore him.

"She sounds like Casey, what's the last thing you remember?" Lizzie asked me. I thought about it for a moment before answering.

"Well, we just redecorated the condo, I got nominated as team captain for my dance club and I'm currently running for president for the student council." I said. Everyone, but the doctor, gave me crazy looks and from the sad look Mom and Lizzie both gave me I clearly said something wrong.

"What?" I asked. Mom opened her mouth but the boy cut her off.

"Well you forgot to mention us!" he declared like it wasn't obvious I gave him a look.

"I don't know you, and besides the school I go to is an all-girls school so I know you guys don't go there." I said. Next to me Lizzie frowned.

"Casey, how old are you?" she asked. I rolled my eyes like I was dumb enough to forget my own age I may have been in an accident but I knew the answer to that.

"15." I told her. Lizzie frowned, Mom gasped and now everyone was staring at me like I've grown two heads.

"What? Will someone please tell me what's going on?" I asked desperately feeling tears prick at the corner of my eyes. Mom was now in hysterics and I could tell she wanted to tell me but she couldn't so the strange man kissed her forehead as he moved to stand by me with calm eyes.

"Casey what I'm about to tell you will shock you so please try to be reasonable." He told me, I heard someone snort taking my eyes off the man to look at the guy who by now had a pissed of expression to his face. I turned back to the man who was glaring at the guy before looking back at me, instead of answering I nodded. He took a deep breath and dropped a bomb on me.

"My name's George and I'm married to your Mother." He said. I started at him in shock my mouth gaping opening. I tried to speak but nothing came out I was too stunned by what he just said, married. This man was MARRIED to my Mother! This had to be a prank, or worse a nightmare because there was no way my mother would have remarried someone without telling me, right?

"Casey, this is also going to shock you we've been married for almost four years now." The man—George went on to stay and by then I was laughing hysterically.

"Now I know you're messing with me there's no way you're married this is just some joke." I said, but one look from Lizzie told me that this wasn't a joke and the tears now coming from me wasn't from laughing.

"Casey, sweetie you need to calm down when we continue I married George and we became a family, that's Edwin you're step-brother and also a younger step-sister her names Marti." Mom finally said moving to my side. I just stared at her when my eyes landed on _him_.

Throughout the whole thing he hadn't said a word instead he watched me, and it was starting to piss me off.

"This can't be, I can't believe this there's no way you're married and I have step-siblings." I protested. Mom wiped my hair from my face but I pushed her hand away.

"Casey." She tried but I cut her off knowing I was being rude but I didn't care so far they were telling me that three years ago she married this George if that was true then I wasn't 15 like I told Lizzie I would be seventeen going on eighteen, and the thought that three years of my life had been wiped away made me angry so I took it out on the one person who starting to annoy me by not saying anything.

"And what about him?" I said motioning to the guy in the wheelchair, "Why was he here holding my hand, are you my boyfriend?" I demanded. I tried not to show a lot of emphasis on the word 'boyfriend' but even if I was angry a part of me was still curious by our relationship.

Mom and George exchanged a look, and a part of me hoped it was all true.

"Actually honey this is Derek and you guys are—"

"Step-siblings" the guy answered. I watched as everyone in the room, but the doctor give him—Derek a look of surprise, even I was giving him a look of shook hearing him talk was surprising but hearing him say we were step-siblings was more of a surprise I felt like someone had just kicked me in the gut but I tried not to show it as I turned away from his eyes to look at Mom for proof that what he said was true.

"Derek is your step-brother Casey you guys are the same age." She told me softly. I turned back to look at him he had a smug look on his face but his eyes were hard not finding anything that was happening amusing.

"Nora's right, and why I was holding you hand just a concern brother glad you're okay Casey, Edwin take me to my room." He said in a bossy tone as he snapped his fingers, I watched as the boy Edwin listened as he wheeled Derek out of my room not once looking back.

"Mom." I choked out. She came to my side wrapping an arm around my shoulder as she held me while I sobbed.

"It's okay Casey we'll get through this." She told me. I continued to cry wanting to tell her that we weren't going to get through this and when I turned remembering how I woke up next to Derek I cried hard realizing that I wouldn't be able to get through this— not without him.

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~Derek

Everyone was in my room an hour later Dad having a joined after the water works took place, after thirty minutes of seeing her sister in pain Lizzie had come to join us Venturi men while I commanded Edwin to help me get comfortable on the bed by the time Nora came we were all silently watching the T.V in my room not really knowing what the hell we were watching. I watched my step-mom walk to Dad's side as he gave her a hug, her eyes red still red as she explained they had to give Casey a sedative to help her go to sleep. I frowned my eyes going back to the screen not really seeing it all I saw was Casey's eyes when she woke up. I knew something was off; she hadn't panicked asking me what happened during the accident, if they had called our family. No, that wasn't it I knew something was off because Casey hadn't started yelling at me, after all I was the reason we were here in the first place, and why Casey had lost her memory.

"Derek, you should have told her the truth." Nora told me. I didn't say anything instead I reached for my controller as I shifted the bed so instead of lying down I was sitting up. Edwin helped with the pillows but the moment I moved my waist to get comfortable pain shot up through my left leg making me curse.

"You're not supposed to force yourself Derek." Dad warned. I rolled my eyes remembering what the doctor had told me that my leg was broken the good news was the force of the impact didn't shatter any bone I was looking for a speedy recovery the bad news was I would be on crutches for about four months and I couldn't have that. This was my last year in high school and scouts would be out I was going to have to recover fast.

"No I shouldn't have." I said ignoring Dad as I answered Nora who was frowning at me with sad eyes.

"She doesn't know who I am, hell when she sees Marti she won't recognize her if we tell her the truth she'll find it disgusting and hate us." I said, but what I really meant to say was hate me, I couldn't have Casey hate me not after what I did to her it would hurt too much.

"Bro, she's going to find out about you." Edwin pointed out. I frowned the kid did have a point there.

"How long are we staying here?" I asked.

"You're going to be out in a week they want Casey to stay overnight, by tomorrow she'll be home." Dad answered. I nodded turning to look at my brother.

"Then I need you to take all the evidence out of Casey's room lock and close my door when you get home, and get her diary she hid it under the mattress." I said wryly getting a glare from Lizzie but I just shrugged giving her my most famous smirk.

"The amnesia won't be permanent Derek the doctor said she could start remembering when she gets home." Nora said. I held in a harsh breath before letting it out slowly while my eyes blurred for a second.

"Or it'll take her weeks, months, maybe even years to get her full memories back I don't know about you but I'm NOT going to wait." I snapped.

"Derek!" Dad said sternly. I closed my eyes calming myself down.

"Sorry." I mumbled when I opened them seeing Nora just nod.

"No I'm sorry, you're right Casey will remember in her own time I just don't think we should keep what we know from her." She said in that motherly toned. I raised my hand to my forehead feeling a headache coming.

"You have to see this in her view if you tell her the truth she'll start freaking out Casey thinks she's Fifthteen for Christ sake, we can't make her any more vulnerable then she already is and we all know how she was back then." I said not realizing what the hell I was even saying all I knew that at any moment I was going to crack and I didn't want to do it in front of my family.

"What happens when she finds out the truth?" Dad asked. I shrugged not wanting to say anything I could feel it now, a huge lump on the back of my throat but I held it back I could do this I was the great Derek Venturi I could not look _weak_.

"Then try not to make it obvious when I get home I'll stay away from her no more pranks, yelling, anything if she asks just tell her we never got along the moment she moved in and we kept our distance. You need to make sure Marti doesn't say anything either." I said dropping my hand from my head to my eyes just the thought of my Smarti waiting at the Davis's home wondering when we were coming home almost made me break down, but I didn't. I was almost in the clear when Lizzie spoke.

"You do know if we hide this and when she doesn't find out it's going to hurt her, and it's going to hurt you even more are you sure you want to go through losing Casey?" she asked, and I snapped. Everything came crashing down as I dropped my hand letting the tears show in my eyes I wasn't going to break down like Casey did but I couldn't stop myself blinking a few tears away.

"Yes! Don't you get it this is my fault I'm the one who suggested we go out on a drive if I kept my mouth shut we wouldn't be here and Casey wouldn't have gotten hurt I can't let her find out only to hate me in the end so please, don't tell her." I half shouted at them. Nora was in tears as she nodded her head hiding her face in Dad's shoulder. Edwin looked away from me wiping his eyes; it was Lizzie who placed a hand on my shoulder as comfort. I sucked in a breath nodding my head at her.

"Let her find out the truth alone if she remembers then we'll see how she acts. Deal?" I asked. They all agreed, and so after they left me alone in my room, I knew I had just shown my family a side of me they never would have imagined to see Derek Venturi cry, hell I didn't think I was going to show them that side of me, only one person had ever seen me at my weakest and at the moment she would never be able to see me like that again.

I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep after all the shit that went down I just hope Ed was smart enough to take down all the evidence so Casey wouldn't be able to suspect. I couldn't have her find out the truth only to hate me in the end that was what I was afraid of, Casey hating me.

I closed my eyes picturing her smiling face, and the sparkling glint she got in those beautiful blue eyes of hers every time I challenged her knowing I'd never be able to do that again, after a while I ended up drifting off to sleep realizing that by tomorrow Casey would once again wake up with no memory what so ever of who I was, not only had I lost Casey tonight but a part of me had gone with her never to come back again.

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**And there you guys have the first chapter it was very difficult to get the emotion I wanted to built into but I think I did a pretty good job! **

**Next chapter will be out soon I'll try not to take a while like I would normally do but I am very passionate to finish this story! So please review and comment on what you think of it so far thanks!**


	3. Who Am I?

**Hi everyone for those of you who took the time to read my story thank you so much! Well here's another chapter for you guys to read I had a few days to write this but normally it would take me a while what with school and work but here's the next chapter for you! ****So three months have passed since the accident in case anyone gets confused! Please enjoy!**

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Chapter Two _Who Am I?_

Casey

"Kids you're going to be late for school!" George's voice rang out from the kitchen as I slowly made my descent down the stairs slowly. I was still unsure of what the routine was in the MacDonald/Venturi household even though it's been three months since I left the hospital, three months when I walked through the front door to a house I didn't recognize, to a room that looked like mine but felt like a strangers, three months of having Lizzie and Mom tip toe over me making sure I wasn't going to have a freak down, if only they knew I cried myself to sleep every night wishing I could just remember who this new Casey was.

When I came back to the Macdonald-Venturi home (I still refused to call it my home) I was shocked to see how different it was from the condo, the color combinations of the couches didn't match the living room, even the ugly red seat looked hideous everything inside me wanted to scream and ran back to the hospital but I kept my cool as I examined the house until I saw my rule proof. The family picture that hung by the wall of the Macdonald-Venturi.

That was when I saw that it wasn't a joke that this was real and my life. I took the step as I turned seeing the family picture that hung on the picture wall I could make out some pictures from when we were still the Macdonald family, and the Venturi's were still the Venturi family, but over the course of years both families have emerged along with a family picture of them in the center. It still felt weird seeing that picture every time I walked past it, George and Mom in the middle sitting down while Edwin stood behind George and Lizzie by Mom's side while a young Marti sat on Mom's lap leaving me to stand behind her next to Derek, I never could recognize the smiling girl who had the same face as me she looked so happy to be a part of that family standing next to a guy with the cutest smirk on his handsome face while his brown eyes looked at the lenses with mischief.

I forced myself to look away from his face as I made my way into the kitchen George was ready for work while wearing an apron as he handed Marti a plate of pancakes.

"I wanted blueberries!" the young eight year old exclaimed. I was still getting use to Marti's outburst realizing that somehow everyone had ended up spoiling her making me wonder if the former Casey also spoiled her younger step-sister. I sat down next to her while Mom placed a few blueberries on her plate, she smiled warmly at me.

"Morning Casey would you like pancakes?" she asked. I shook my head taking an orange from the fruit bowl.

"Thanks, but I rather eat this." I said. Mom nodded but I could still see that far off look her eyes got. What I said didn't upset her; she was just upset that after coming back to the Macdonald-Venturi three months ago I still hadn't gotten any of my memories back.

It was weird, every time I went to sleep I wished that I could wake up and recognized something, remembered something that happened in the past three years, but each time I woke up they were still blocked. Every two weeks I would go to the hospital hoping that the doctor had good news but each time I would come back disappointed, the doctor said I was mentally blocking my memories he said it could be the trauma from the accident or something else that I didn't want to remember.

I couldn't help but disagree with him, there was nothing stopping me from remembering the only thing that was probably stopping it was the fact that no one would talk about the accident, I've asked everyone what caused the accident but no one knew only one person knew, and the moment he came back from the hospital a week after me he had locked himself in his room and avoided me like the plague. Two loud thumps were heard as Edwin and Lizzie came down the stairs they were both arguing on what they should do for their volunteer project.

"Liz please! The animal shelter is a good one we get to play with the pets not to mention give them baths." Edwin was saying while Lizzie disagreed with him.

"But if we help at the hospital it'll be more educational not to mention we'll be reading to young kids." My sister said. I wanted to tell her that she was making the smart choice especially since it would look good for college applications, but I didn't. Since day one Lizzie had been acting different with me I thought at first it was me, but after analyzing it I realized my own sister didn't know how to treat me so when it came down to decisions I left my opinion out of it, like now I was too busy peeling my orange to acknowledge I was listening.

"We can read to Marti, come on Lizzie!" Edwin whined while I rolled my eyes.

"You guys should do the animal shoulder maybe it'll teach you guys a bit about responsibility." Mom said as she handed them each a plate of pancakes, but Lizzie shook her head.

"Thanks but we have to go, fine we'll do the shelter." Lizzie said. Edwin did a happy dance as both teens walked out the back way leaving us all alone. I ate a few sliced while Marti was singing a song about purple pancakes.

"Nora I have a meeting to get to mind taking Marti to school." George asked taking off his apron. I didn't need to look up to see my Mom had given me a look before turning her attention to her husband.

"George I take Casey to school." She told him softly, but instead I heard 'George I take my sad pathetic daughter with amnesia to school,' I knew Mom would never call me pathetic, but sadly at the moment that they were discussing me like I was a five year old instead of an almost eighteen year old (very sad that I was almost an adult when I couldn't remember my last two birthdays). So being responsible I gave Mom and George my best smile so they wouldn't suspect how depressing this was making me.

"Its fine Mom, Marti needs to get to school too." I said. Mom gave me a sad pitiful smile making me want to throw up the orange I had forced myself to finish eating all I wanted was to hurry up and leave, but how was I supposed to get to school now?

Before I could say I would walk Mom's eyes lit up the moment my other step-brother who didn't bother looking my way entered the room messing up Marti's hair as he went to the fridge grabbing the juice drinking it out of the carton. I made a disgusted face wanting to tell him to get a cup but I bit my tongue as I grabbed my bag about to make the long walk to school when Mom opened her mouth suggesting the craziest thing that I was frozen to my seat as I stared at her with wide eyes.

"Derek can take Casey to school." She said. Everyone stared at her in silence, even Marti was looking at her like she had lost it. I turned to look at Derek with the carton glued to his mouth as he stared at my Mom. He lowered the carton wiping his mouth with his sleeve, his body was now tense his eyes hard.

"Yeah I can't." he said a bit coldly. I couldn't help feel hurt by his cold attitude towards taking me to school, did he really not like me? I tried not to feel too insecure about this but the way he wouldn't look at me made me imagine that Derek really didn't like me, and that hurt more than Mom trying to get him to be my personal chauffeur.

Mom gave him that, 'Oh yes you are.' look while she crossed her arms together.

"And why not? You both go to the same school and plus it would be good for Casey to do a different routine, it'll be good for her memory." She said. Derek and I both flinched at the last part this going un-noticed by my Mother as she grabbed her belongings.

"Nora." George said in a warning tone, but she just smiled at him.

"Let's go Marti." Mom said taking a hold of the young girls hand as they walked towards the front door. I saw Derek give his Dad a pleading look, but George just shook his head pulling out some money from his wallet handing it to his son.

"In case you need gas." Was all he said as he grabbed his coat saying good-bye as he hurried out the front door leaving me and Derek alone for the first time in months.

I couldn't help but stare at Derek, for some reason I was waiting for the guy I had seen that night I woke up in the hospital to appear, to see those brown eyes staring into my eyes with affection but instead all I got was dark distant eyes as he placed the carton back in the fridge slamming it shut.

"Let's go." He said, still not looking directly at me as he grabbed his jacket from the coat rack leaving the back door open for me to follow. I sighed wishing I could have just walked as I followed after him reminding myself not to drink out of the juice carton later.

Once in the car I suddenly felt shy, ever since Derek arrived back from the hospital neither one of us had approached the other, Derek would hang out mostly in his room or out to the gym to work on the muscles to his leg, the doctor had said Derek would be in crutches for at least four months, but somehow Derek had cut it down to two having lost the crutches he still walked on a limp but I heard Edwin tell Mom that in just a few weeks he would be able to go back to the hockey team just in time for college scouts. I couldn't help watch Derek as he pulled out of the driveway his hands were firmly holding the steering wheel that his knuckles had turned pale white. Was he afraid to drive because the last time we were in the same car something bad had happened?

I wanted to ask him about that, but I kept my mouth shut I had tried to get close to Derek but he would either leave the living room when he heard me approach and he refused to make eye contact with me during dinner I was starting to suspect Derek Venturi hated me, did the former Casey also hate him? I couldn't stand the silence even though the radio was on rather lowly, if I wanted to know what the former Casey's feelings for Derek's were it was about time to ask some questions.

"How's your leg?" I asked softly, calling myself a chicken for not demanding him why he didn't like me. Derek turned his eyes at me for a second before turning back to the road.

"It's alright." He said. Getting three syllables out of him maybe we could get an actual conversation started.

"I heard Edwin say in a few weeks you can play hockey again?" I said. He didn't answer right away, but when he did I felt my heart do a little dance.

"I got the coach to agree to let me practice on the ice if I don't fall and I can score he'll let me back on the team I don't have to sit bench anymore." He said. I could note a hint of excitement being allowed to be back on the team and I felt happy to see another side of Derek that I hadn't seen since the hospital incident.

"That's good that you still went to support your team." I said happy that we were having a discussion even if it was about hockey. Derek snorted.

"That's to make sure they didn't lose I'm still the Captain of the team and if they lost a game I would have kicked all there asses." He said.

I rolled my eyes finding myself looking out the window; we were in Mom's car while Derek's was still in the shop getting repaired while she drove a rental. I turned back to Derek seeing his hands had slightly relaxed a bit, but his face was still hard and tense.

"Are you scared to drive with me in the car?" I blurted out. Derek's head snapped to look at me and then back at the road before he could say anything I beat him to it.

"Because it's not your fault you know, I mean I don't know if it is since no one will tell me exactly where you and I were heading when we got in the accident but I just wanna say it wasn't your fault." I said rambling on.

I was getting nervous now Derek had completely gone cold and I felt like any minute now he was just going to pull over and walk away and I couldn't have that happen I just wanted to let him know that even if I had lost my memories not once had I blamed him.

"You don't know what you're saying, Casey." Derek said slowly through gritted teeth. I frowned.

"Yes I do, look I know we don't get along even though I'm not sure why but I can tell were opposites I'm not stupid." I said. Derek laughed.

"Yeah I knew that, but thanks for clarifying." He said as he turned into the student parking lot as he found a spot. He killed the ignition turning to face me I was shocked seeing him look directly into my face it caught me off guard that I was once again reminded how good looking Derek was but instead of seeing those brown eyes I dreamt about I got distant cold eyes.

"Look Case, you're right were total opposites I'm cool and you're just a grade grubbing, klutz face it there's nothing we have in common so how about we just try and move on its senior year for Pete's sake." He said. I frowned.

"But you're still going to hate me." I said. Derek flinched and I worried that I had misinterpret his feelings for me, until he opened his mouth.

"No Casey, I don't hate you…I just don't like you and frankly you're not fond of me either— or rather you weren't so to make this easier on the both of us let's forget what happened." He said. I gave him a hard look but he raised his hand.

"No pun on the whole amnesia thing, but we're graduating in a few months and then we'll be off to college and we never have to talk again so let's just not get in each other's way, deal?" he asked. I opened my mouth about to argue with him that I wasn't okay with this, when he got out the car, shutting the door behind him.

I watched him go as he entered the school doors slapping high fives to people who saw him. I forced myself to get out the car trying to stop my hands from shaking as I quickly made my way inside as I headed to my locker. I could feel my eyes begin to water but I blinked them away, I refused to cry here in school we're I still got weird looks from kids as I walked down the halls.

When I reached my locker I wiped my nose, when a friendly face appeared by my side.

"Hey, Casey." Emily smiled at me. I tried to smile as I opened our shared locker.

"Hi, Em." I said. Emily frowned probably seeing my watery eyes not to mention every time I held back my tears my cheeks would turn pink.

"Are you okay?" she asked. I let out a breath. Emily was my best friend, or supposed to be. That's what I was told when she had visited me when I got out of the hospital filling me in on how we met, what our status was in the school hierarchy, and the few guys I've been interested since going to school, there was one topic she avoided talking about and that was Derek and at the moment I was about to mention you-know-who.

"No, I just got in a disagreement with Derek." I said pulling out my books and when I turned to look at Emily her eyes were so wide I thought they were going to pop out on me.

"You…you what? A disagreement with…Derek?" she stuttered out. I nodded.

"I told him I didn't blame him for the accident and he went on to tell me I shouldn't have said that we're going to be graduating soon and we should not get in each other's way what I don't understand is why he keeps pushing me away." I said frustrated slamming the locker shut. I got a few stares from people but I didn't seem to care what they thought of me apparently I was already a freak so what did it matter.

Emily bit her lip like she was disagreeing with herself but she must have come with a decision as she took my hand leading me to the stairs to sit down.

"Look Case, you and Derek have been at each other's throats since day one you guys would fight over the silliest things like who got the remote, who took up all the hot water, Derek would even pull pranks on you whenever he felt like it, and you would get even with him, to tell you the truth you and Derek were literally in your own world no one wanted to get between you too." Emily said in one breath. I just stared at her wondering if I had heard her right.

"Emily…are we sure were talking about me and Derek, the guy who barely talks or even looks at me?" I asked. Emily just nodded.

"Casey, after your accident Derek's changed you may not remember him but you can tell he doesn't act like his normal self-right?" she asked. I nodded.

"Well yeah, I mean he's so cold and distant but the few moment I see him let loose is whenever I'm not in the room or when Marti wants him to play with her, the only time I ever saw Derek look so…normal was probably the day I woke up in the hospital with him holding my hand." I whispered softly. Emily smiled at me, as I blushed at the memory but then I remembered something I had completely forgotten.

"Emily, he's my step-brother." I said. Emily let out a breath as if she knew I was going to start with that.

"Casey if you want to find answers just go read your diary." She said. I gave her a look.

"What diary?" I asked trying to remember if I did own one, when we lived in the condo I did write in one was Emily talking about that diary?

Emily opened her mouth, but then stopped when something caught her eye I turned to see what she was looking at and saw it was Derek who was glaring at Emily across the hall.

"Look I gotta go, check your laptop you use to be on that thing more than just doing homework if you know what I mean." She whispered as she winked and took off the other end of the hall I watched as she disappeared through the crowd as I saw Derek chase after her but it was hard with his limp.

I wanted to go after them too, but instead I decided to get to class wondering what Emily meant about my laptop, and if she was right about me owning a diary why haven't I found it already? There were just too many questions that needed answers, and I was going to find out what they were.

* * *

~Derek

I was so pissed off that it must have showed on my face the way people just took one look at me and they turned right back around to make sure they didn't cross paths with me which was smart as I sat down in my seat scowling as I looked at the wall, everything started this morning when Nora told me to take Casey to school I knew what she was trying to do.

The moment I was released from the hospital I had unlocked my room proud that Edwin had followed instructions, that day I had told myself I would stay in my room but I only lasted thirty minutes as I forced myself to go downstairs and sit in my seat away from Casey who had been in her room and even though I couldn't hear exactly what she was doing in there just the fact that I knew she was there made me want to run as far away as I could, well as far I could get in crutches.

I rested my head on my desk pretending to take a nap remembering my conversation with Casey, it was the first real time we spent alone together and we ended up talking about hockey, it seemed normal that for a second I almost forgot that she didn't really remember me— only a second for me to relive everything that went between me and her but the moment was gone when she told me the accident wasn't my fault and she didn't blame me for her memory loss, hearing her of all people tell me that brought me back to reality.

I was an idiot for forgetting the situation, but this was Casey after all and I always lost myself whenever I was with her.

"Der-ek!" I heard someone whisper. I turned my head to see a cute blond sitting next to me she giggled probably thinking how cool I looked, if only she knew how uncool I really was.

"There's a party this Saturday night, wanna go with me?" she asked with a wink, I sat up staring at her now she was wearing a pink V-neck shirt giving me a sneak peak of white lace. I didn't know her name which meant she must have been new because if she really did know who I was than she would have known I was no longer on the market— haven't been for a while.

"Sorry got plans." I said. She pouted but it didn't faze me one bit.

"Come on Derek you should have some fun." She whispered seductively. Someone coughed out a word next to Blondie's seat.

"Casseeey." They said. I turned my head seeing that it was Ralph who did the whole cough a word out. I gave him a disgusted look as I turned my attention back to Blondie.

"I do have fun, just not with girls like you." I said with my best smirk. Her eyes widen and then narrowed as her cheeks turned pink form embarrassment as she turned back around. I laughed slightly but my attention turned back to Ralph who looked away, like I was going to let him get away with what he just did. The moment the bell rang Ralph was the first one out, but even with my bad leg I was still able to catch up to him, slamming him against the lockers giving him my best glare.

"Ralph, I am so going to kill you." I told him. His eyes went wide as he raised his hands in defense.

"D, I'm sorry." He said, but before I could land just one punch I felt a firm hand on my shoulder and turned to see Sam.

"Not here Derek." He told me. I looked from him to Ralph's scared eyes as I dropped my hands from his shoulders.

"Fine." I said as they both lead me into the cafeteria to an empty table in the corner. Sam sighed as he shook his head.

"What did you do?" he asked Ralph.

"Nothing man, just reminded Derek that he can't be with slutty blonds when he already has someone." Ralph said. If looks could kill Ralph would be a dead guy, but then again if that was true I would have been dead a long time ago from Casey's death glares.

"I wasn't even interested in that chick I'm not stupid." I snapped. Sam groaned.

"D, we know you're not but things haven't been the same with since well you know." He said. I rolled my eyes as much as I loved Sam he was my best friend after all but right now I wanted to kick his ass.

"Don't Sam I've had enough of people telling me what I should do, I hear it from my parents, you, Emily, hell I even heard it from Casey herself but I'm not changing my mind." I said. Sam and Ralph both exchanged looks.

"You talked to Casey?" Sam asked. I nodded gravely as I leaned my elbows on the table.

"She told me she doesn't blame me for causing the accident." I said. Sam smiled.

"That's good dude." He said. I gave him a look.

"No it's not, Casey doesn't even remember what happened she should blame me." I said. Sam shook his head.

"Derek, you can't still feel guilty you're blaming yourself when it wasn't your fault." Sam said but I told him to shut up dropping my head to the table.

"If you just told Casey the truth—" Sam went on to say but I slammed my fist on the table.

"No!" I growled. The guys went quiet and that was the end of that discussion.

I didn't want to be in school anymore all I wanted was to get home and hide under the covers, as I made my way to my last class I saw Emily and Casey in the hall, Casey didn't see me as she was talking to Emily in a frantic whisper but Em saw me, she gave me a frown as she steered Casey into their class. I went into my class thinking about this morning when I saw Emily and Casey chatting by the stairs normally I didn't care but this time I couldn't help but feel something was up, and when Emily saw me I knew she was telling Casey something she wasn't supposed to as I went to go confront her.

"What did you tell her?" I demanded. Emily just shook her head.

"Nothing, how could you tell her you didn't like her, what is wrong with you Derek!" she yelled at me. I ran my hand through my hair frustrated that I was having Emily of all people yell at me for trying to protect Casey, didn't anyone care that I was doing this for her? Apparently everyone thought of me as just the bad guy, if that's what they saw that's what they were going to get.

"Because it's the truth look Emily it's not gonna change anything if we tell Casey the truth she'll get her memory back eventually but for now we don't tell her you promised you wouldn't say anything to her." I reminded her. Emily glared at me.

"I made that promise for my best friend, not for you Derek." She said. I shrugged giving her my smug look.

"It's still a promise." I said. Emily shook her head.

"I don't know why you're doing this, Casey cares for you. She doesn't know why and if you just tell her—"

"No! Either she remembers on her own or she doesn't I don't care anymore." I snapped into her face as I turned to leave, but not before I heard her whisper.

"But you do care."

Just thinking about that made my mood even more sour, what Emily said was right I did care if Casey got her memory back every time I went to bed I'd hope that I'd wake up to hear Casey's familiar Der-ek but every time I opened my eyes all I heard was nothing but air.

I knew no one understood why I couldn't just tell Casey about what our relationship was, and what it had meant in the past. I was being selfish, and I knew it. Yet, I couldn't bring myself to tell her all I wanted was to concentrate on being able to practice for hockey this week, after that I'll be able to play in the games and win over some scholarships only then I'd be able to get as far away from here, and far away from Casey.

* * *

**I know! I did not add any Dasey moments but I think that scene in the car counts don't worry in two chapters there will be more Dasey moments that will leave you guys begging for more, but for now I'm off to write the next chapter and do my homework at the same time**

**please review letting me know what you think so far! **


	4. My Secret Journal

**Hey everyone, well I'd just like to start off for saying thanks for your reviews! I'm glad to hear everyone's enjoying the story so far, and yeah I know what Derek is doing for Casey is terrible but remember he's doing this to protect her, but protect her from what I wonder? Hehe here's the next chapter please enjoy!**

* * *

Chapter Three _My Secret Journal_

~Casey

I paced my room back and forth trying to tell myself that maybe I was missing a place, I had gotten a ride home from Emily knowing full well Derek wouldn't want to be in the same car with me, and not wanting a repeat of what happened this morning I needed some time to think. The moment I got home I came straight to my room locking it shut behind me as I tried to look for my diary, the first place I checked was under my bed, when I didn't find it there I looked through all my stuff, in my closet, even my underwear drawer but found nothing.

I stood in the middle of the room seeing the mess I had made trying to find the diary but it was no were in my room.

"It was here…I…know it was here." I said as I sat down on the floor I was suddenly feeling dizzy and my head was hurting but I couldn't stop the feeling that I did know were the former Casey had hid the diary, but were? I turned my head to my mattress and I knew it was there. I stood up lifting the mattress up finding it empty. I dropped the mattress I wasn't hallucinating I knew that my diary had been under the mattress, maybe it was my instincts coming in contact with my memory but whatever it was it also proved that someone had come in my room and took my diary. I sat down letting the dizziness pass, downstairs I could hear the T.V along with laughter meaning Lizzie was downstairs along with the Venturi boys.

I wanted to call her name and ask her to come in my room and ask her about my diary but I didn't, if I asked Lizzie would she tell me?

Lizzie would never lie to me, never had we lied to each other but I felt like every time I asked her a question about what the former Casey would do, or what she liked, or how she use to get along with the Venturi's she would just steer away and avoid my questions. I knew Lizzie was keeping something from me, the question I had was why? Why wasn't she telling me anything?

I needed to know the truth so I stood up and left my room heading downstairs.

It didn't look like Mom or George were home but there was Lizzie sitting next to Edwin on the sofa as they watched a movie, Derek was there watching as he sat on the hideous brown chair(shocked to find out that it was his, and his only. Gross.)

Lizzie turned when she heard me approach gave me a smile seeing me there of course I noticed the uneasy look Edwin gave Derek but he didn't notice it his eyes never leaving the screen.

"Hi, Casey want to join us?" Lizzie asked, but I shook my head as I moved closer to my sister wanting to get a good look at the other two while I questioned my sister.

"No thanks, Lizzie I've been thinking and I just realized I can't find my diary. Do you know where it is?" I asked going straight to the point. I watched my sister's reaction but it wasn't hers that gave me the proof I needed, it was Edwin.

The moment I mentioned my diary Edwin's head snapped to the side, looking directly at Derek.

I didn't see Derek's reaction instead I focused my eyes to my sister who was staring at me with wide eyes as she stuttered a respond.

"Uh…no I don't know where it is, are you getting your memories back?" she asked a bit nervously. I shook my head.

"No, but I remember writing in one back at the condo I thought maybe I had still used it when we moved here." I said turning my attention to Derek who was looking straight at the T.V but his hand was clutching the remote tightly.

"Do you think Mom might know?" I asked. I knew I was pushing it with these questions, but I needed to know if Lizzie would tell me what I needed to know. I watched as my sister bite her lip as she shook her head.

"No Casey, you never told anyone were you hid it. I'm sorry." She said with a soft smile. I felt like a blow had just struck my chest, Lizzie had just lied to me. I just nodded seeing my sister gain her attention back to the screen but I knew she was just pretending to be interested. I sighed turning to look at Derek, who was watching me now. Remembering that he didn't want us to talk anymore I was tempted to leave, but something in me didn't want to run I needed to gain my memories back.

"What?" I snapped. Derek just shrugged.

"Nothing, just think it's weird you're asking about that diary of yours now and not three months ago." He said. I knew what he meant, someone told me about my diary and he was probably remembering this morning I was talking to Emily. I didn't want Emily to get in trouble with Derek for telling me I've never been a good liar but I've noticed that with my memory loss my family believed anything I said, I hope Derek wouldn't see through my lies.

"I probably never would have thought about it, but I was complaining to Emily about it and she said too bad I didn't write anything down before the accident which was how I remembered my diary." I said. Derek narrowed his eyes, clearing not buying it.

"It was kind a weird though when I mention having a diary Emily got uneasy and then she saw you and left any idea what that was about?" I asked. Derek stood up as I took a step forward we were now facing each other his arms crossed while mine were by my hips neither of us noticed Edwin and Lizzie staring at us with mouths open.

"What can I say I have those effects on girls besides Emily has a crush on me." Derek said like it was normal to tell me that my best friend had a crush on my step-brother. I narrowed my eyes at him.

"Is that supposed to impress me? Well it doesn't, did you take my diary?" I demanded. Derek glared at me.

"Now why would I take your precious diary there's nothing interesting in there anyways, you don't exactly have a very exciting life." Derek said. I rolled my eyes.

"What I've seen the last three months shows you don't have a life either." I retorted back. Derek smirked, for the first time in months I felt joy seeing that look on his face.

"Listen here princess, I have a life in fact I'm going to go to a party on Saturday night what are you going to do stay home and study?" he asked. I wasn't going to fall for that.

"Actually Emily and I are both going to go to that party don't worry you can be a good step-brother and watch us." I said with a sweet smile as I turned to leave, but Derek wasn't done.

"Wait a minute I'm not baby-sitting you guys!" he said. I turned seeing Derek staring at me with that smirk on his lips, but his eyes they bright he was enjoying our little banter and I couldn't help like it back I felt so alive that I didn't want it to end.

"Sorry, but someone has to." I said with my own smirk. Derek almost laughed, but in that second he must have realized who he was talking to because the spark left him.

"Just so you know I'm the one who took your diary…and I destroyed it." He said. My eyes went wide my smile faltering, I knew he couldn't be lying to me there was no way he would make something up like that, could he?

"You're lying." I said my voice faltering as a bunch of emotions run through me, how could he ruin the moment by doing this? Derek shook his head, his smirk returning but it wasn't the same one he had moments ago, it was forced and filled with anger along with his eyes that were now hard but this time I could see they were filled with pain, pain he was about to cause me.

"Remember how I told you how you don't like me, it was the truth. We tried to separate our parents Casey, we fought a lot that sometimes it got physical don't worry I burned your diary before the accident, if that makes you feel better." He said. I could feel the tears fill my eyes, but I wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of seeing me cry.

"How could you?" I asked him softly. Derek just looked at me, he could see I was in pain, that I was about to cry, but he didn't care instead he finished the blow by saying.

"Because I don't like you Casey."

And with that said he turned around grabbing his jacket, but I didn't want him to go I wanted an explanation of why he kept saying these horrible things to me, when I didn't deserve them.

"Der-ek!" I screamed, and he froze in place, even I stood there shocked at what I did, I didn't mean to call his name like that, it just slipped out almost like déjà vu. Derek didn't even bother turning around; instead he stormed out slamming the door shut making me flinch. The tears were now rolling down my check as I wiped them away.

"Casey?" Lizzie asked forgetting that Lizzie and Edwin were in the room and they had witnessed what just happened between me and Derek.

"I'm fine, I'm going to rest in my room I'll be skipping dinner." I said turning around fast as I ran up the stairs. I closed door my shut locking it behind me as I went to my bedside grabbing some tissues, man did Derek infuriate me I knew he didn't burn my diary if anything he had it hidden in his room somewhere, but since he was always locked his door I knew I wouldn't be able to sneak in and find it, but it didn't matter I had another option to get my memory and find out why Derek was making sure I wouldn't find out about my past as I took a seat in front of my laptop, Emily may not have told me the reason for Derek's behavior but she gave me a clue to where I should start looking first, time to get some answers as I turned my laptop on.

* * *

Lizzie Macdonald stared angrily at her step-brother Edwin as they hid in the games closet that had become the place where they normally talked about their older siblings; Edwin held his hands in defense seeing Lizzie glaring at him.

"I swear I didn't know Derek was planning this." He said desperately. Lizzie shook her head.

"How could he say that to her? Did you see how hurt Casey was?" she asked. Edwin nodded, but there was something else he noted about their siblings.

"Did you see the way they both acted before Derek dropped the bomb?" he asked.

Lizzie frowned, of course she did Casey and Derek had bickered like they did in the past it was like things hadn't changed between them.

"That doesn't change the fact that Derek hurt Casey, she's crying alone in her room, you need to talk to him." Lizzie said. Edwin shook his head eyes wide.

"The last time I talked to Derek about Casey he had me in a headlock no way am I going to be the target to his temper." Edwin said. Lizzie gave Edwin a Venturi smirk that would have made Derek proud if it was for the fact she was about to get him in trouble.

"Then I guess we call the big guns." She said. Edwin raised an eyebrow knowing where this was going and was glad that he wasn't in Derek's shoes.

* * *

~Casey

I sighed in frustration as I closed another folder, this would have been easier if Emily had told me what I had been typing if I even hinted at a name. Everything was organized so I shouldn't have been having a problem finding whatever it was I must have done on here, but nope all I found was family pictures, and a lot of homework assignments. I sighed leaning back in my chair. I needed to focus, think Casey, if you wanted to hide a secret from you family— especially from Derek what name would the former Casey hide it under?

I groaned about to give up when a folder caught my attention, it was labeled French Class that was odd since I wasn't taking French anymore finding out when school started that I had taken the course the year I moved here. Normally after I finished a course I would delete the file, so why did former Casey have this folder? I clicked it open, and what I founded shocked me.

Months, and months of entries all dated from the beginning of when I moved to the Venturi household. I slumped back in shocked at the discovery.

Now that I found it, what was I going to do know? Of course I should read it first but the thought of reading what the former Casey wrote scared me. What if she wrote that what Derek told me was true, that we didn't like each other because if she did I would…Hate him? No.

What the former Casey felt for her new family was different with how I felt for them now, and I loved George as a father seeing him with Mom he really made her happy, and he would always include Lizzie and I in any activity so I knew he saw us as his daughters. Edwin was an odd kid but he didn't make me feel awkward, and Marti was adorable when she wasn't crying out for attention, and Derek…well I still wasn't sure about him.

I sighed it wasn't time for me to get side-tracked if I needed the truth than I just had to start from the beginning. I went all the way to the top the first entry which was dated three years ago only a couple of months had passed when the former Casey moved into the Macdonald-Venturi home.

"Here goes nothing." I said as I clicked the first entry open.

_So I Casey Macdonald had decided to use my laptop to hide all my personal and private thoughts, it doesn't help that I've already caught Derek with my diary a few times but I know for a fact he hasn't read anything yet, he hasn't used it against me so I feel safe that I'm in the clear from his teasing, too bad I still need a place to write down all these personal thoughts so instead of getting another diary just to have Edwin steal it, under orders of Derek of course._

_I'm going to hide it here, which is perfect no one would suspect what I'm doing on here, besides homework, so here it goes._

_It's been three months since we the Macdonald's have moved into the Venturi house and it has been a bumpy ride._

_So far my reputation has gone downhill, I've been called Klutzilla (a nickname given to me by my step-brother) and a grade-grubber (grubby) for short, and a total Babe Raider._

_But you wanna know something weird, all the times I've been in distress there was always one person by my side, of course he was the reason for half of them, but he'd always help get me out of them. I guess I misunderstood Derek after all._

I stopped reading, misunderstood Derek? Seeing these nicknames on the screen I remember this morning's conversation with Derek, so this was why he called me them but why would he help me? I needed to find out more, and what I read next surprised the living daylights out of me.

_I've come to realize my feels for Derek now, I've been overthinking all of the things Derek has done to me, and all the schemes and pranks on each other. I came to realize this the night Derek decided to throw that party when are parents left for the weekend and we got locked in the bathroom together, after fighting with each other (which wasn't new since we always end up fighting.) We actually had a heart-to-heart conversation it was the most we've ever talked to each other and it felt real. I saw a different side of Derek, and it wasn't that bad boy persona he portrayed it was the sweet and sensible side of him that he never let anyone see, and I got to see it. Sure our parents came home ruined the moment and of course Derek was getting in trouble for something he did, but all I kept thinking about was him saying he only threw the party because it was expected of him, so I took half the blame from him._

_Of course Derek ended up saying the whole talk upstairs was just so I could feel bad for him so he could get off the hook and I fell for it, he laughed at me calling me a sucker, but I saw another side of Derek while he was telling me this. Underneath his bad boy rep, he really was thankful that I stood up for him; sure he left me alone to clean up the mess but that's beside the point, because I came to terms for my own feelings too. I like Derek Venturi, and I hope he never finds out._

* * *

**I know! I am as terrible as Derek for ending it at a cliffhanger, not to mention I didn't even bother adding Derek's point of view but don't worry he'll come back in the next one. I wanted a bit of room to add Lizzie and Edwin's thoughts into this, but my main focus on this are just Derek and Casey's point of view, whenever I add Lizzie, Emily, and/or Sam there thoughts will be in third person.**

**So next chapter we get Casey's reaction to finding out she likes Derek, not to mention Derek has decided that he's going to put as much distance from Casey, any ideas how he's going to do that? Please review and I'll post the next chapter before the end of the weekend! Thanks everyone!**


	5. He Tells Me the Truth

Chapter Four _He Tells Me the Truth_

~Derek

"Are you insane!" Sam yelled in my face. I groaned as I leaned back on his coach, after what happened with Casey I ran to Sam's hoping to get some sympathy and get a few hours away from Casey but instead my best friend decided to lecture me.

"Sam, I'm a terrible person I get it can we just play video games?" I asked hopelessly. Sam shook his head.

"No way, you gotta talk about this first you complain about Casey not talking to you and now that she is, you're pushing her away I knew you were born stupid but this? This is just selfish." He said. I glared at him.

"What do you expect from me I'm doing this to protect Casey." I said as I sat forward. Sam frowned, "D, I think she'll understand if you just come clean besides you're not going to find out until spring." He said. I shook my head.

"No. She freaked out when I told her, this time she'll not only freak out but she'll ask how long it's been going on, that's why I took her diary." I said.

"Have you ever thought what she would do when she _does_ remember everything?" Sam asked. I opened my mouth and then closed it of course I've thought about what Casey would do when she got her memory back the first thing she might do is try and kill me. After that she would get mad at the family feeling betrayed that we didn't just tell her straight out she'll be even more hurt that Nora didn't tell her, but I would take the blame off of them and say I was the one who told them not to tell— like that'll make a difference she would still get pissed at them. If I was in her shoes I would be too, but there was another reason why I couldn't tell the truth.

"Sam when she remembers she'll also remember the accident." I said softly. Sam eyes went wide almost like he never thought about that, but I have.

"Derek, it wasn't your fault they didn't even press charges." Sam said. I nodded swallowing as I felt the lump in my throat build but this time I was able to swallow it.

"That's because they were in grief." I said. Sam exhaled a breath.

"Do they still live here?" he asked. I shook my head.

"No, they moved to Toronto a few weeks after." I said. He gave me an odd look but I didn't want to explain to him how I knew that, but then again it would be good if I told someone another of my dirty secrets.

"I went to visit them, I wanted to pay my respects and tell them if they wanted to blame anyone it was me." I said. Sam eyes went wide.

"You went alone?" he demanded. I shook my head.

"No…I asked Nora to come with me, Dad had advised me not to talk but I still felt guilty so I asked Nora, we went together. They were mad at first that I bothered showing my face…but then well one of the kids came took one look at me and gave me a hug. I almost cried my eyes out but you know me." I said with a sad smile. Sam nodded.

"Well anyways I guess that was it, they let me tell my story of things I told them what happened to Casey and how I didn't want her to know because it'll kill her, bad choice of words but I apologized after I said it but they understood. They said they were sorry for what I was going through alone, and that they never blamed us. After that I really did cry like a baby but they were sympatric after all I lost Casey." I said. Sam shook his head.

"Derek, she's still here." He said. I let out a breath.

"Sam…I'm going to tell you something but I don't want you to get mad." I said slowly. Sam just nodded, so I told him my plan, and he got mad.

"Are you an idiot! Of course you are, no Derek you can't keep doing this to yourself." He shouted. I was glad it was just me and Sam in his house, or else we would have had a huge audience what with his sister's and parents probably also yelling at me.

"I already decided besides I can't keep being near her you don't understand Sam how hard it is not to touch her, yell at her like I used, or even tease her. It's too much." I said.

"It's the middle of the year what about scouts?" he demanded. I shrugged.

"Coach is gonna send them some tapes whichever I hear from I'll go but I'm not holding my breath I already decided this." I said. Sam's eyes flared and he did something I never expected him to do, he punched me in the face. I landed back on one of the pillows holding my cheek, it hurt like hell but I deserved it.

"You make me sick Venturi." He said shaking his head. I couldn't help it, I laughed.

"Yeah I know." I said. Sam didn't smile instead he turned his T.V. on handing me a controller, this was normally how we took our anger out playing video games even though my heart wasn't in it, I didn't know how I was going to explain to my parents what I decided but I needed to do this, I was doing it for Casey. I just hope she'd someday forgive me.

I got home from Sam's missing dinner; I did it on purpose just to avoid Casey. I walked into the kitchen seeing the whole house dark and I knew everyone was asleep as I opened the fridge seeing someone had made lasagna I took it out and started heating it up, I heard a door creak open and turned to see Nora coming out from the basement, she was wearing her pajamas and she did not look happy.

"You missed dinner." She said. I shrugged.

"Yeah was at Sam's lost track of time." I said hearing the beep that the food was done as I took it out setting it on the counter. Nora stood across from me as she placed her hands down a disappointed look was on her face.

"Casey also missed dinner too." She said as I took my first bite. It took me a minute to swallow I didn't think Casey would miss dinner, did I hurt that badly when I told her I burned her diary? I didn't want to tell Nora what I said, so I stayed quiet but I should have known better.

"They told me what happened, Derek how could you?" she asked. I sighed setting my fork down.

"I don't need you to tell me I'm an idiot trust me Sam already gave me the speech." I said pointing to my cheek. Nora's eyes flared for a moment reminding me of Casey it didn't help that Casey had inherited her light blue eyes from her Mother. I tore my gaze from Nora to the plate of food in front of me, not feeling hungry anymore.

"Derek, this has to stop you can't keep holding in all this pain I think you need to talk to someone." She said. I laughed bitterly.

"No, its bad enough you tried to get me to talk to Casey's counselor but I won't talk to a shrink." I said. Nora sighed.

"Well I don't know what to say Derek, but you keep treating yourself like this I'm going to be force to tell Casey everything." She said. I narrowed my eyes at her.

"You wouldn't?" I asked, but she gave me a hard challenging look.

"Oh I will, Derek can't you see you're hurting yourself by not telling anyone?" she asked. I wanted to tell her that it did, that I wanted to go upstairs straight into Casey's room and sing like a canary, but I didn't, I couldn't.

"I decided I'm moving to Spain with my Mom, she said I could go to school there." I said. Nora stayed quiet and I took the risk by looking at her, and all I saw was disappointment in her eyes.

"You can't run away from this." She told me.

"But I am, you don't know how hard this is and no one understands I'm doing this to protect her! If she finds out the truth it'll be Casey feeling guilty I can't do that to her." I said with determination. Nora took a hold of my hand, and I suddenly felt a pinch in my chest at her motherly touch, not even my Mom ever held my hand just to calm me down, and it felt nice.

"Talk to someone first before you decide to move to another country, if you decide you still want to after a month I'll tell George. Deal?" she asked. I thought about it, and nodded. She smiled sadly leaning closely as she kissed my head, and then disappeared back down the basement. I sighed forcing myself to finish my food, when I was done I left the dishes and headed up the stairs. Casey's door was closed as I walked to it, placing my hand on the frame my head touching the door. I sighed, I was an idiot. Just as I was about to leave I heard the bathroom door open and turned and there stood Casey in her pink pajamas.

She stared at me with wide eyes, I could see her eyes were red and a bit puffy which meant she had been crying earlier and I blamed myself for making her cry.

"Hi." She said softly avoiding making eye contact with me.

"Um…hey." I said lamely. I realized I probably looked like a creep just standing in front of her door like that, so I took a step to my room, but I stopped turning back to look at Casey just hugging herself, her hair was pulled back in a braid, and she looked so vulnerable and at that moment I hated myself for making her feel like that, if I wasn't being selfish Casey wouldn't be so sad, I needed to fix this.

"Look…I'm…um sorry about what happened today. Hell I'm sorry for how I acted the past three months it's just the accident...it changed me." I said. Casey bit her lip as she nodded. I took a breath, if I wanted Casey to understand then I needed to tell her the truth— well part of it.

"I'll tell you where we were going, and how we got in the accident." I found myself saying. Casey stared at me with wide eyes as I motioned for her to follow me in my room as I unlocked it. I took my shoes off throwing them under my bed as I sat at my desk, a few seconds later Casey walked in, she looked hesitant but I waved her over and motioned for her to close the door. She looked shocked to see my room I watched her inspect all the posters in my room and my stereo. After a minute of looking around she turned to stare at me and what she said brought me to laugh.

"It's so clean I was expecting it to be messy." She said as she sat on my bed that was perfectly made. No one's been in my room in a while to tell me how clean it was so I guess I did pick a few of Casey's habits. I chuckled moving my seat as I sat across from her, she looked a bit nervous of course she would I was about to tell her the truth about what I've been trying to keep from her.

"So…" she said. I couldn't help smile, same old Casey, I bet she was really curious to know what I was about to tell her. I sat back crossing my arms together making it look like I was thinking were to start, but I was baiting my time just to see a look of annoyance cross her mind.

"We were going to the store, you wanted to buy some new decorations for your room and I went with you, since you asked nicely and you promised to pay for lunch." I said. Casey rolled her eyes but smiled anyways as I continued.

"We were arguing which wasn't new…I…told you that I wasn't going to college." I said softly.

"What? Why!" she squeaked out. I shrugged.

"I wanted to take a year and go to Europe come home and just work and make money, you thought I was wasting my time and asked about scholarships. The truth is I didn't tell you but I was just scared I didn't want to fail." I said truthfully. Casey rubbed her lips together.

"I guess I can understand, I'm kind a scared too and not because I lost three years of my memories but well it is scary leaving." She said. I nodded rubbing the back of my head.

"Yeah well you were trying to convince me and I was just annoyed that… I didn't see the car." I said. By now Casey's eyes were wide as she just stared at me.

"It was both our faults; if I had paid attention I could have hit the brakes but the driver…they ran a stop sign. I don't know how fast they were going but they ran into us pretty hard. Your side….was about to hit a tree, but I moved the steering wheel it hit the front of my side so I got the impact of it, that's why my leg broke." I said. Casey was now covering her mouth a few tears had escaped her eyes. I couldn't help myself I reached out, and wiped them away with my thumb.

"The driver died instantly, they hit their head too hard and loss of blood me and you would have joined the person if I hadn't turned the wheel. Someone called the ambulance I woke up in the stricter with you next to me you were out cold…I thought…." I said. I could feel my own eyes now, and I sucked in a breath.

"I'm so sorry Casey…I'm really sorry." I cried out dropping my head to my knees, it was so hard re-telling her this I wanted to protect her from the pain, but Nora was right I couldn't keep MY pain in any longer, that's why I choose to tell Casey.

I felt her hand touch my head, and then she was resting her forehead on my hair I could feel her tears, and it made me suck in a breath.

"I'm sorry too." She whispered. I couldn't help but chuckle as I raised my head to meet her watery eyes.

"Why are you apologizing, princess?" I asked. She laughed softly.

"Because you've been keeping this in for so long I'm sorry you had to go through this alone." She said sincerely. God, did I want to kiss her. But I didn't, she'd probably freak out if I told her the real part of why we ended up fighting. Instead I smiled as I brought my hand to touch her cheek, caressing it softly.

"I just wanted to make sure you didn't blame yourself, you care too much when it comes to other people that you don't focus on your own pain and I didn't want you to blame yourself, the family never did." I told her. Casey nodded as a few tears escaped as they trailed down her cheeks.

"Derek, who was the driver?" she asked. And here was the hard part, but I had to tell her.

"Casey…the driver was a guy who went to our school. His name was Max, and you guys dated." I told her softly, and Casey balled her eyes.

Thirty minutes later Casey came back to my room after going to the bathroom to wipe her nose and get a wet cloth for both our eyes. I was pretty much surprised that Casey looked torn up to hear about Max's death it was almost like she remembered the guy, but when I asked her why she was crying so hard, she just sobbed that she couldn't explain it only that it hurt hearing it was a guy she had once went out with. I knew she didn't remember going out with Max, but her heart did.

I was laying on my back when Casey came back shutting the door shut as she climbed next to me, she didn't say a word as she handed me the wet cloth. I mumbled thanks as I rested it over my eyes, knowing Casey was doing the same. We just laid there in the silence not saying anything, I could hear Casey letting out a few breaths it was soothing me that I felt myself begin to drift, but then her sweet voice brought me back.

"Derek?" she whispered.

"Hmm?"

"How come no one at school confronted us?" she asked me softly. I slid the cloth of my face to get a good look at her; she was lying right next to me the wet cloth covering her face.

"Sam and Emily took care of it they made sure everyone found out about your amnesia and that you didn't remember anything and that you wouldn't know who Max was if anyone started confronting you." I told her. She nodded as she took the wet cloth off, even with her eyes all puffy she still look so beautiful. She gave me a sad smile.

"Did you go to his funeral?" she asked. I nodded.

"Remember when my Dad had to take you back to the hospital for your check-up?" I asked. She thought about it, and then nodded.

"Well I asked Nora to come with me to the funeral Dad had told me not to go that the family would try and press charges even though it wasn't our fault but I needed to pay my respects so I went." I said.

"Was it awkward?" she asked. I laughed.

"Hell yeah, all the football jocks wanted to kick my ass but I was in crutches so they couldn't touch me plus I had you're Mom there for support." I said. She smiled and it brought my heart to skip a beat, man did I miss that smile.

"Anyways, his parents were shocked to see me more his Dad who told me I shouldn't have shown my face. I said I just wanted to pay my respects and that you would also would have come but under the circumstances you couldn't. They were upset so I'm not going to tell you what he said, but Nora was getting pissed so we were about to leave when Max's little sister came out of nowhere and literally tackled me to the ground." I said smiling at the memory. Casey stared at me with wide eyes I didn't realize it but while I was telling her this she had somehow moved closer so that her head was resting on my shoulder while my arm had wrapped around her waist, her top had moved up and I was slowly tracing circles on her skin, but she didn't seem to care so I kept doing it while I continued.

"Everyone was expecting her to hit me, hell I was waiting for the blow but instead she hugged me. She said it wasn't my fault, it wasn't our fault." I said softly. Casey nodded.

"She's right. I feel guilty that I don't remember Max, but in my heart I know were not responsible." She said softly. I smiled as I kissed her forehead.

"I didn't know how'd you react at the hospital I was waiting for you to freak out you and Max only dated for a while but you still cared for him." I said. Casey shrugged she was currently playing with my hair and I found it relaxing as I closed my eyes snuggling closer.

"Maybe she would have blamed herself…but not me." she whispered.

"She?" I asked opening my eyes to see Casey's eyes were now serious.

"The former Casey, I feel like we're too different people I don't even recognize myself anymore maybe it's the blond highlights but I always question myself wondering why I did it, why did I dye my hair, why didn't I like you in the beginning it gets overwhelming just thinking about it." She said. I nodded.

"Case you're still you no matter what you did in the past, you just move forward from here." I said. She turned those blue eyes to me and I caught my breath before I continued.

"And why you don't like me, well I hope you change your mind about that cause I just broke down in front of you and you'll never get to see that again." I said.

She laughed making me smile all I wanted was to see her smile and I mentally kicked myself letting three months past for me to see it. Sam was right I should have just came clean, and now that I have there was only one thing keeping me and Casey apart but I couldn't tell her about that, not yet anyways.

I closed my eyes as Casey snuggled closer I smiled as I slowly drifted to sleep with my girl back in my arms.

* * *

**Hey guys well I promised a Derek point of view so here it is and I also know I forgot to pick it up from Casey's POV but it's not my fault! I wanted to write about the accident and why Derek was dead set on Casey never finding out, and now you guys know why...I wasn't going to use Max as the other driver but after much thought I decided to use him, he wasn't a character I really cared for and this is a Dasey story, plus it would explain why Derek didn't want Casey to know because of there past history. So for those of you that loved Max, I'm sorry!**

**Next chapter goes back to Casey/Derek and we'll get more Dasey scenes! Please review your thoughts!**


	6. Am I Insane?

**Hi guys! I know its been a while but school has been keeping me busy not to mention I study on my free time at work but I finally was able to get a chance to finish this chapter! Thanks for the reviews and comments I'm glad everyone is liking this story!**

**So this chapter is in Casey's POV all the way, and we get a flashback to Casey's thoughts about when Derek told her the truth about the accident. I hope you guys enjoy this chapter, especially the Dasey moments! Enjoy!**

Five Am I Insane?

~Casey

There was a loud banging coming from the door I moved my head reaching out for my clock but I didn't find anything instead my hand found air. I opened my eye and I realized I wasn't in my room, I didn't know who's room I was in. Which was funny coming from me; I tried to sit up but was pulled back down. I realized there was an arm wrapped tightly on my waist, and that armed belonged to Derek Venturi of all people.

"Oh my…" I whispered, but I didn't move I just laid my head back on the shoulder that I had used as a pillow as I stared at Derek, he looked so peaceful I never thought that in a million years I would be here in Derek's room in his arms. I smiled softly at the thought when I suddenly felt it, a headache coming back. I closed my eyes groaning as I raised my hand touching my forehead, why did this keep happening? Was it normal to get headaches like this? I groaned again when I felt the bed move, I opened my eyes to see warm brown eyes staring back at me I forgot to breath just seeing Derek look at me, really look at me I felt like I was back in that hospital bed and it was just me and him.

"Hey, you okay?" Derek asked as he moved a lock of hair from my face. I nodded slowly, and then grimaced forgetting about the pain. Derek frowned.

"Is it your head?" he asked in concern.

"It's okay I just need some aspirin, they usually come and go." I said. Derek must not have liked my answer because he sat us both up as he placed his hand to my forehead.

"Well you're warm, but I guess that's normal." He said. I giggled slapping his hand away.

"Der-ek, I said I was fine." I said. He didn't look convinced but there was still a smile on his face as he dropped his hand to my cheek.

"Yeah, I guess you are." He said. I didn't know what to say there was so much I wanted to tell him of what I already knew, but instead I grabbed his hand holding it tightly.

"Don't go." I found myself saying without even thinking. Derek's eyes went wide he opened his mouth, but I never got the chance to hear what he was about to say, especially when his door burst open.

"Derek, if you don't wake up you're going to be…" Edwin was saying until he stopped mid-sentence when he looked at me in Derek's room on his bed with Derek's hand on my cheek while I was holding his other hand.

"Late." He said in shocked.

"Edwin! Have you ever heard of knocking?" Derek shouted.

"Edwin, have you seen Casey she's not in her…Casey!" Lizzie exclaimed as she entered the room. I couldn't help blush seeing both teens as they gawked at us.

"Morning Liz." I said as I took my hand from Derek's and jumped off the bed as I went straight to the bathroom not believing that just happened, what was I thinking? I placed my hands on the sink as I just stared at myself in the mirror, staring back at me was no longer a stranger, she was me, the girl with the bright blue eyes and the long sunny blond highlights were now a part of me, the former Casey was gone, but I was still here and I wasn't going to let Derek leave.

I quickly hopped into the shower turning on the warm water as I drenched myself thinking back to last night.

* * *

~Yesterday Afternoon

"I…WHAT!" I squeaked out as I stood up re-reading that last line but no matter how many times I read it, it was still there. The former Casey was attracted to her step-brother, I liked Derek. No. I could not like Derek, it wasn't possible the former Casey liked him, not me, we're two different people and there was no way that I could like my own step-brother, right?

"Oh my God how can this be happening?" I whispered as I started pacing turning on my radio in case someone heard me talking to myself I was already the girl with amnesia there was no way I was going to get labeled as the nutcase who was in love with her step-brother.

Now that made stop in my tracks, love? I did not love Derek Venturi, right?

Ugh, why was I still second-guessing myself no Casey you don't love Derek, and he doesn't love you back…it just wasn't possible. I sat back down in front of my laptop wanting desperately to get my Mom in here and demand her what all of this was about but I didn't dare. My family was keeping something from me, and if they knew about the former Casey's feelings for Derek, then they lied to me by not saying anything.

"Okay, so she liked her step-brother it's not like Derek liked me back?" I asked aloud. I didn't get a respond but that was typical.

"You want to know what there hiding just one more entry and you can find the truth." I convinced myself as I got comfortable and started reading.

Five entries later I was in tears as I threw a pillow at the wall and slammed my hand on my desk.

They all kept this from me, Mom, Lizzie, Emily, even George, Edwin and Marty had their part in all of this, but why? Before I could find an answer to the question there was a soft knock on my door, wiping my eyes I stood up opening the door to reveal Lizzie standing there with a plate of food, and a glass of juice.

"Mom didn't want you to go to bed hungry." Lizzie said with a smile. I just looked at my little sister if this was her in my shoes would I have also kept the truth from her? I couldn't find an answer for that either, and I was getting annoyed with myself for even thinking that I would never want anyone to be in the same situation as me, it was something I would never wish even on my worst enemy.

"Thanks." I said grabbing the food and closing the door shut locking it tight I knew I was being rude to Lizzie she was nothing but sweet to me the moment I got out of the hospital, I just needed to calm down a bit more before I confronted them, so I went back to my desk, read some more entries, when finally I just stopped and started to cry all over.

The former Casey didn't just like Derek…she loved him from the bottom of her heart, and why wouldn't she? He was sweet, and loved his family and friends that any girl would fall for him, but that's not why the former Casey loved him, Derek showed a part of himself that he didn't let anyone see, not even Marty who he loved with all his heart, but I knew.

I wiped my eyes as I changed my clothes to my pajamas deciding I didn't want to go to sleep with the smell of dirty dishes in my room as I grabbed the dirty plates, when I opened the door I creep down the hall quietly, it was already almost midnight and I knew everyone was asleep as I entered the kitchen dropping the dishes in the sink, normally I would have cleaned them, but after reading so many entries I was an emotional wreck, I just wanted to brush my teeth, wipe my face and go to sleep wishing for my memory to return in the morning.

As I turned around about to head into the living room, I froze when I saw the door open to reveal Derek coming in, not wanting him to see me I sprinted to the other side of the kitchen going to the other hall that led to the kitchen as I just stood there, I heard him walk in the kitchen going through the fridge, he must have found the leftover dinner because I heard the microwave turn on, I was about to sneak away, when the door to the basement opened.

"You missed dinner." I heard Mom say, what was she doing up at this hour? I listened to Derek's respond and how he got in a fight with Sam but I was more shocked after what came next.

"I decided I'm moving to Spain with my Mom." Derek said. I felt my heart clench tightly as I covered my mouth from exposing my location by crying.

"You can't run away from this." Mom said. Derek snorted.

"But I am, you know how hard this is and no one understands I'm doing this to protect her! If she finds out the truth it'll be Casey feeling guilty I can't do that to her." Derek said. I could feel the tears now, so this explained Derek's rude behavior towards me, he wasn't doing it because he didn't like me, he was doing all of this to protect me.

"Talk to someone first before you decide to move to another country, if you decide you still want to after a month I'll tell George. Deal?" I heard Mom ask.

No! Why wasn't she forcing him to stay, Derek couldn't go, he couldn't leave me. I heard the basement door close and I quietly left heading up the stairs to the bathroom, once in there I calmed my nerves blowing my nose, this was just a big mess everything that's been happening was all from Derek trying to protect me he must not have wanted me to go through any pain or confusion if they forced the truth on me, but instead it backfired on him.

"Stupid Derek." I said as I blew my nose. If only I could tell me what I already knew, would he still refuse to tell me the truth? I just wanted to go to bed and cry myself to sleep, but right when I opened the door I was shocked to see Derek standing in front of my door.

"Hi." I said trying not to look at him directly in the eye.

"Um…hey." He said a bit awkward. I wanted to tell him the truth that I would never have felt guilty, that there was no need for protecting me, but instead Derek surprised me when he spoke.

"Look…I'm…um sorry about what happened today. Hell I'm sorry for how I acted the past three months it's just the accident…it changed me." I said. I bit my lip as I nodded of course it changed him, it changed me too in more ways then he'll ever know. Derek let out a breath as I dared to look at his face, and what I saw was a look of defeat.

"I'll tell you where we were going, and how we got in the accident." He said. I just stared at him with wide eyes as he motioned for me to follow him to his room, and I did.

Derek didn't let anyone in his room, and whenever he was out he always had it locked but when he unlocked it I was shocked at what I saw, poster's covering his walls all his magazines and comic books were on his bookshelf, even his desk were his computer sat was clean and organized, a part of my brain was telling me that this was not normal and I couldn't help agree, from what I already knew Derek Venturi was a slob, so why was his room so clean?

"It's so clean I was expecting it to be messy." I said sitting down on his bed trying not to blush remembering what I read from my journal. Derek threw his back and laughed making me smile, he looked so calm that I couldn't help wonder what he was going to tell me as he moved his chair in front of me so that we were now facing each other, making me feel a bit uncomfortable.

"So…" I said making him smile; I wonder if I was reminding him of the former Casey? She did have this effect on him that I couldn't help but feel jealous, which was stupid how could I be jealous of myself, it didn't make sense! He took his sweet time in answering making me begin to get impatient, when he finally spoke.

"We were going to the store, you wanted to buy some decorations for your room and I went with you, since you asked nicely and you promised to pay for lunch." He said with a smirk, I couldn't help roll my eyes, I already knew Derek would do anything for a free mean, but that wasn't why he went with me, but I motioned for him to continue.

"We were arguing which wasn't new…I…told you that I wasn't going to college." He said softly.

"What? Why!" I practically shouted almost jumping to my feet but I stopped myself, I didn't want to show how hurt I was knowing Derek wouldn't be going to college, not as hurt as finding out he wanted to move to Spain because of me, but still it bothered me.

"I wanted to take a year and go to Europe come home and just work and make money, you thought I was wasting my time and asked about scholarships. The truth is I didn't tell you but I was just scared I didn't want to fail." He said. I could not believe that he was being honest with me, and I felt for him Derek was showing a side of himself that I've never seen, and I liked it.

"I guess I can understand, I'm kind a scared too and not because I lost three years of my memories but well it is scary leaving." I admitted understanding where he was coming from. He rubbed the back of his head recognizing that he was nervous now (since he only rubbed the back of his head out of a nervous habit.)

"Yeah well you were trying to convince me and I was just annoyed that…I didn't see the car." He said. Now I knew why he was so nervous, he really was going to tell me about the accident, I just stared at him, by now Derek was looking at me with seriousness, but his hand was still placed behind his neck as he licked his lips, this wasn't going to be easy hearing, and I could tell he didn't want to tell me, but he was and he didn't know how grateful I was that he was finally telling me the truth— on some things.

"It was both our faults: if I had paid attention I could have hit the brakes but the driver…they ran a stop sign. I don't know how fast they were going but they ran into us pretty hard. Your side…was about to hit a tree, but I moved the steering wheel it hit the front of my side so I got the impact of it, that's why my leg broke." He said, by now I was covering my mouth picturing what happened, how scared we must have been what Derek must have been feeling during the crash, oh god we could have died. Derek could have died trying to save me I suddenly had a flashback when I woke up in the hospital how Derek said he had taken most of the impact from me, now I knew what he meant.

Derek reached out as his thumb touched my cheek wiping away a few tears, something told me that by the end of the night I was going to be crying so hard that my eyes would be puffy in the morning.

"The driver died instantly, they hit their head too hard and loss of blood me and you would have joined the person if I hadn't turned the wheel. Someone called the ambulance I woke up in the stretcher with you next to me you were out cold…I thought…" Derek choked. He looked down at his lap but I already saw how watery his eyes had gotten.

"I'm sorry Casey…I'm really sorry." He cried out as he dropped his head to his knee, Derek, he was crying. He's never cried I know Derek has never cried before and there he was crying in front of me, and it was breaking my heart. I reached out touching his hair as I leaned my head against his, wanting to take some of his pain away.

"I'm sorry too." I whispered catching a whiff of his shampoo, which strangely smelt like my peaches and cream shampoo. Derek laughed as he raised his head his eyes were a bit red, but I could see the spark in them.

"Why are you apologizing, princess?" he asked. I found myself laughing once again captivated by the Derek Venturi charm.

"Because you've been keeping this in for so long I'm sorry you had to go through this alone." I told him, I wanted to tell him more but I couldn't without revealing too much, I just wished Derek could have told me the truth three months ago knowing how much pain he's been in it hurt so much that I could have protected him. He smiled as he brought his hand on my cheek his thumb tracing my skin.

"I just wanted to make sure you didn't blame yourself, you care too much when it comes to other people that you don't focus on your own pain and I didn't want you to blame yourself, the family never did." He told me softly. I nodded, but something was bugging me, why did Derek keep the accident from me, unless there was more he wasn't telling me?

"Derek, who was the driver?" I asked. I watched his face; he took in a breath as he looked me right in the eye still holding my face in his hands.

"Casey…the driver was a guy who went to our school. His name was Max, and you guys dated." He told me, and I broke down in tears.

* * *

~Present Morning

I applied my make-up but no matter what I did the puffiness was still there, I knew Derek was shocked about how I broke down when he told me that Max had died in the accident I almost told him the truth…that I knew everything. But I didn't.

I couldn't keep what I knew a secret, I was terrible at keeping secrets but there was one person who could help me through this.

"You okay?" Derek asked me for the third time today, I smiled at him.

"Yes, please stop worrying I'm fine." I told him. He still looked a bit unsure as he parked the car in an empty spot as he turned the ignition off.

"Case you can tell me anything that's bothering you now I promise I'm not going to keep anything else from you." Derek said. I smiled, he was being thoughtful and I liked that about him, but Derek wasn't the only once keeping secrets now I had one and if Derek ever found out. He might not forgive me.

"Thanks Derek, don't worry I'm fine." I assured him. Derek still looked unsure but he grabbed my hand making my heart beat fast.

"Just be careful okay? If some of these kids here find out you know about the accident they may take it out on you." He said. I nodded coming to terms with who those people could be.

"I have you so I'll be fine, and besides I can take care of myself." I said as I got out of the car with Derek following behind.

"Just don't say anything to Emily just yet okay?" he pleaded as he opened the door for me. I smiled liking this new side to Derek, but I had to remember Derek was always like this, I just forgot who he really was.

"I promise, I have to go see you in class." I said. Derek did something that I knew was out of character for him, he wrapped his arms around me in a brief hug kissing my forehead.

"See yeah later, princess." He said with a smirk. I rolled my eyes but gave him a wave as I walked down the hall ignoring a few stares from people who had watched us as I walked down the hall into a room I haven't entered in three months.

"Hi Paul." I said as I entered his room closing the door shut behind me, Paul looked up a bit shocked to see me of course he was shocked the last time I was in here I had told him that I didn't need a counselor who wouldn't talk to me about my past but yet there he was.

"Casey, this is a surprise how can I help you?" Paul asked with a smile as I took a seat in front of him.

"Well it's what you can do to help me." I said. Paul stared at me confused of course he'd be confused, but after much thinking he was the only one I could trust.

"Casey if this is about talking to you about your past I already told you that—"

"Paul, it's fine I understand I mean I'm angry that no one bothered to tell me the truth, it's crazy and a little weird but hey I'm not mad anymore." I said with a smile while he just started at me with a weird look on his face making me smile bigger.

"Why do I get the feeling I'm missing something." Paul said. I laughed.

"You're not the only one I've felt like that for three months now and trust me it feels much better once you find out the truth." I said hoping he understood what I was implying, it only took him a few seconds and by then he was staring at me with wide eyes.

"Casey did you…" he trailed off. I shook my head.

"No Paul, I didn't get my memory back but what I have to tell you must be kept confidential, I don't want Derek to know just yet." I said. Paul nodded still a bit in awe.

"But how do you know, what do you know?" Paul exclaimed. I leaned back in my chair ready to get comfortable.

"What don't I know Paul? Like the fact that I was in an accident were my ex-boyfriend was killed, or maybe the biggest secret's everyone's kept from me? You know the one where I'm _dating_ my step-brother." I said. Paul's eyes were literally about to pop that I forced myself not to laugh I was trying not to be too serious, but knowing what everyone has been hiding from me…well let's just say I was done being kept in the dark.

"Casey…I…how do you…Derek made us all not tell you." Paul said sounding like a six year old. I laughed.

"I know, and if it makes you feel better Derek told me about the accident, he of course didn't tell me that were a couple, or use to be I guess." I said still confused about our relationship status. Paul reached over for his water bottle taking a long sip, before setting it down.

"Sorry I'm just in shock that you're talking to me about this, why are you talking to me about this?" he asked. I shrugged.

"Because I don't want to Derek to know, and I know what you're going to say that I shouldn't keep this from him just because he never told me the truth but I'm still confused I just need time." I said. Paul nodded having calmed down a bit going back into counselor mode.

"Okay, when do you think you're going to tell him?" Paul asked.

"When I find out why I fell in love with him in the first place, I have a journal that I've been reading Derek doesn't know about it and so far I can see why I was interested in him I was just wondering if I can talk to you about them." I said with a shy smile. Paul seemed to relax offering me a soft smile.

"I'm here to listen Casey, however long it is." He said. I smiled.

"Good because this is going to take us all the way through lunch, oh and I'm going to need a note." I said pulling out my laptop. Paul just sighed.

"What exactly are you going to talk to me about?" he asked.

"Too late to back out now." I said as I opened the folder and started reading the first entry that changed my entire life.

* * *

**And there you guys have it I'll try and post the next chapter up soon! Before the end of the weekend, and for those of you wonder, yes I will be writing Casey's journal entries...actually those chapters will be coming out real soon!**

**Don't forget to leave some reviews/comments please and thank you!**


	7. My Talk With Paul

**Hey guys I know I promised this before the weekend but a lot of things piled up but I was able to finish this chapter! I have a lot of work to catch up not to mention exams are slowly making me lose my mind so I'll be a while but thanks for all your support in reading this story it means a lot! **

* * *

Chapter Six My Talk with Paul

~Derek

Today was actually becoming a good day for me, I mean not counting the fact that the younger siblings had walked in on me and Casey even though we weren't doing anything but still that did surprise me, but I felt relieved. I literally felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders and I knew it was because I told Casey about the accident and Nora had been right it did feel good telling someone, now I just needed to figure out how to tell Casey about us now that was going to be hard.

"Derek!" I heard a girl shout my name. I turned my head to the side and I froze seeing Amy charging towards me. I so did not want to deal with this chick.

"Not now." I said finding the strength to keep walking but Amy grabbed my arm forcing me to turn, and most people knew I didn't like to be grabbed.

"I heard a rumor that you and Casey are back together." Amy said sounding like the total bitch that she was. I crossed my arms together giving her my best 'fuck off look.'

"Well you heard wrong." I said. Amy narrowed her eyes at me as she started pointing a finger at me.

"They saw you hug her, not to mention you kissed her." She snapped. I rolled my eyes.

"It was a friendly hug between step-siblings, and it was on the head. Casey had a doctor appointment yesterday and they told her the same thing. She was just upset." I said wanting badly to just walk away but I couldn't I needed to make sure that Amy believed what I was telling her, or else she'd start attacking Casey.

"You're lying." Amy said, but I could see it in her eyes that she didn't know whether to believe me or not. I gave her my best smile that could still charm her.

"Why not go ask Casey, just go up to her and ask her if she'll join the cheerleading team again, she won't know what you're talking about." I challenged. She glared at me.

"You not what I'm not even going to bother, you and your incest slut of a sister can be together but just remember Max's death is on you conscious." Amy screamed.

She shouldn't have said that, especially when the halls were still crowded with students and she had just insulted my girl.

"Oh really." I said grabbing her by the arm as I slammed her against the lockers; for once Amy looked at me in fear as I leaned in close to her face.

"I know for a fact, me and Casey aren't responsible. I've kept quiet but I swear that if you come near me and Casey again or even do anything to Casey I will tell the whole school the truth behind Max's death and why he ran that stop sign. Who do you think they'll believe me, or you?" I hissed in her face. Amy's face was now pale as I stepped back. I felt a hand on my shoulder not turning knowing who it was as they lead me away, but I stopped turning back to look at Amy leaning against the lockers in tears.

"Oh and call my girl a slut again and I will make you eat those words." I threatened. Amy winced, and then ran to the girl's bathroom while Sam led me down the hall.

"Dude, you shouldn't' have done that." He said. I laughed.

"She brought up Casey and insulted her I'm not going to let anyone talk shit about her." I snapped. Sam crossed his arms.

"What happened to you D? Last night you were willing to move to another country now you're defending Casey, what's going on?" Sam asked. I rubbed the back of my head.

"I…told Casey the truth." I whispered. Sam looked at me with wide eyes.

"You what!" he shouted.

"Shh, keep it down idiot." I said looking around making sure there was no sign of Amy lurking around.

"I just told her about the accident, when I got home Nora cornered me and I felt guilty and then I saw Casey and she'd been crying and I blamed myself and well I told her, she just knows about Max, nothing else." I said. Sam frowned.

"You didn't tell her about you guys being practically married?" he asked. I rolled my eyes.

"Okay first of all, we were dating living in the same roof was just a perk. And how the hell do you expect me to tell her something like that? You heard Amy, she called it incest if Casey found out she'll think the same thing." I said. Sam groaned.

"Derek, you're doing it again you thought the same thing before you and Casey finally got together and you're doing it again." He said. I thought about it for a moment, and then shook my head.

"Maybe I am, but that's not why it took forever for us to be together Casey was dating Max, and I had moved on from Kendra to Sally until Casey gave us a chance, but this is different." I said. Sam stared at me hard now and I knew I was going to get one of his stern talks.

"It's not different, you and Casey didn't want to come in terms with your feelings, hell Derek you got jealous when I started dating her and that's before you knew you liked her. Are you just scared Casey will reject you?" he asked. I slapped my hands to my face.

"Ugh, I don't know." I groaned.

"Well you better find out because we've all come to terms with you and Casey being together, sure there will be kids like Amy but who cares. You and Casey belong together and you can't lose her Derek." Sam said as he walked away. I just stood there alone in the halls thinking about what he just said, he was right.

Casey and I had to undergo a lot of obstacles to be together and I shouldn't let just one thing let it get in the way, but I needed to get a person's opinion first before I went through my plan.

When lunch came around I was about to head towards the cafeteria when Emily came into view, but she was alone.

"Where's Casey?" I demanded coming up behind her. Emily jumped when she turned to see it was me.

"Don't do that! And I don't know she never went to any of her classes, and when I asked the teachers they all said she had been excused." She said. I frowned, Nora didn't mention anything about Casey having a doctor's appointment today unless she got another headache and she went home. I rubbed my eyes.

"Just look around for her, I have an appointment with the guidance counselor." I said. Emily's eyes looked ready to pop when I told her that, and it was starting to bug me that everyone kept giving me crazy eyes.

"It's something I promised Nora, will you just go find Casey." I told her. She nodded as I shooed her away as I made my way towards Paul's office. The last time I was in there had to be around the time I needed the guys help in getting Sam and Casey back together, I knew it was a stoop low but I didn't actually want Casey to get back together with Sam, all they did was fight and each time they broke up I was excited, sure I had told everyone it was just to go to Sweden, but when I saw Casey so sad and miserable if she was happy with Sam then who was I to stop her?

But I wasn't the same Derek as I was before, this time I wasn't going to let anyone get in my way with being with Casey, we've been through too much shit just to have it end like this. So I knocked on Paul's door not bothering to wait for a reply as I went in, and was shocked to see Casey sitting in front of Paul's desk.

"Oh Derek, right on time." Paul said as he stood up, Casey looked from me to Paul her blue eyes questioning why I was there.

"I can come back later, not like I want to be here." I said about to take a step back but Paul stopped me.

"Derek, I'll call your Step-Mom and let her know you didn't attend our meeting we can do this the easy way or the hard way you're choice." He said. I rolled my eyes as I walked in crossing my arms together.

"Derek? What are you doing here?" Casey asked. I noticed she had her laptop placing it in her bag as she stood up.

"Nora wanted me to talk so instead of going to a shrink I get the next best thing." I said sarcastically. Paul laughed.

"Cute, take a seat Derek and Casey you need to go to the rest of your classes." Paul told her. Casey frowned turning those blue eyes at me, and I notice how fierce they were staring at me.

"Derek." She said seriously. I smirked.

"Go to class princess, we'll talk later." I assured her. She looked at me about to argue, but Paul coughed. Casey gave him the dirty eye, but nodded anyways.

"Fine, we'll talk later." She told me placing a peck on my cheek before storming off. I chuckled as I took the seat she left vacant. Paul had a shocked looked on his face as he sat down, or rather dropped down.

"Casey tell you?" I asked. Paul nodded apparently too stun to even talk.

"She just knows about Max, nothing else I don't think I can even tell her the rest." I explained. Paul coughed.

"Drink some water." I told him sitting back as he drank from his water bottle giving me a look while I just smirked at him.

"Derek, your Mother believes you need…to well talk so talk." Paul said. I snorted.

"What's there to say I felt guilty about the accident I didn't want Casey to hate me, and now that I've told her the truth I feel much better." I told him. Paul didn't look convinced.

"Okay maybe I still feel guilty, but not about the accident I don't know how to tell Casey about us." I said. Paul smiled as he placed his hands on the desk.

"Why did you decide to hide it in the first place?" he asked. I shrugged.

"Because I didn't want her to think it was disgusting, sure there were a few people who didn't think anything about it, but people like Amy, or Sally. They said it was sick and it hurt Casey I don't want to go through that again." I confessed. Paul nodded.

"At least you're expressing yourself." He said. I snorted.

"Only because Nora forced me." I said.

"You were planning on running away and leaving without explaining to Casey you're feelings, you would have still carried that guilt and Casey even though she doesn't remember you would have been hurt none the less." Paul said. I just looked down at my knees not wanting to admit he was right.

"So Derek, what are you going to do with telling Casey the truth about the two of you?" Paul asked. I thought about it for a few seconds.

"I'm going to make her fall in love with me, again." I said. Paul gave me a smile.

"Well then, let's talk about how you're going to do that." He said, and for the first time I felt relieved to talk to someone about what I've been holding in for so long, but like I was going to tell Nora that this was what I needed. No, I could talk to anyone what I really needed was Casey to remember her feelings for me, and I would make sure she did even if it took me months, years Casey will remember that I loved her and that I would never again leave her alone.

* * *

~Casey

"I'm telling you there's nothing going on between me and you're step-brother." Emily said for the hundredth time. I didn't believe her, okay after asking her three times now if she still had a crush on Derek she would have told me so I knew she was telling me the truth.

"I'm sorry for asking you it's just Derek told me this and I was just upset that you never told me." I admitted. Emily gave me a genuine smile.

"Look Case, did I have a crush on your step-brother, hell yes, did I get over him. I'm in a long distant relationship with Sheldon so yeah I got over him, but your right I should have told you I mean sure I went on a date with Derek, and kissed him but that's all in the past." Emily said completely ignoring my horrified expression.

"You kissed Derek!" I shrieked.

"Casey, it was in the past and why are you asking me this?" Emily asked. I looked down at my uneaten sandwich trying not to blush while I confided in my best friend.

"I um may have slept with Derek last night after he confessed to me about the accident." I whispered. Now it was Emily's turn to shriek out, but I shushed her when we got a few stares.

"You and Derek had sex?" she whispered.

"NO! I meant slept in the same bed but nothing happened we just fell asleep in each other's arms after we both cried after what's happened we needed it." I said. She gave me a look and I knew I needed to explain it to her.

"Derek doesn't want anyone to find out I know about Max, he said there will be people who still blame us." I told her softly. Emily nodded having covered her mouth from the news dropped her hands having calmed down a bit.

"Okay…I'm calm…but Casey why did Derek tell you this, when did he tell you, wait is that why you guys are close now, I heard Derek kissed you this morning was that true?" Emily bombed me with questions making smile at the memory of Derek and how concerned he was for me.

"He's been feeling guilty with the way he's treated me and what happened, he finally decided he couldn't hold it in anymore, and this morning was him just being concerned he kissed me on my forehead and gave me a hug." I said trying not to make it into a big deal, but Emily saw right through me.

"You're feeling something for him aren't you?" Emily asked. I wanted to deny it that I didn't have feelings for Derek, but I didn't want to keep anymore secrets this was one secret I could tell.

"I've always felt something for Derek the moment I woke up in the hospital I just never knew what they were until last night." I confessed. Emily squealed grabbing my hands as we both giggled like were thirteen years old with a crush.

"Casey, I want an honest answer do you care that you and Derek and step-siblings knowing you have these feelings?" she asked me serious. I didn't even give a moment to think as I answered her.

"No, the moment I woke up and was told Derek was my step-brother I felt crushed but there's no blood relation between us at all. Derek isn't my step-brother he's just a guy I like." I said with a smile. Emily was literally close to tears as she fanned her face not wanting to cry even though there were tears falling down her cheeks.

"Well that's good." She sobbed out as I laughed handing her a tissue I had told Emily part of my secret but I still needed more time until I told her the rest, but for now I was glad someone knew about my feelings Derek.

"Why were you in Paul's office all morning?" Derek asked as he drove us home. I turned to look at him, both hands were on the wheel even though he wasn't firmly holding the wheel he was still keeping his eyes on the road. I smiled at him softly.

"I just wanted to talk to him about the accident I know it wasn't out fault I just wanted to tell someone." I told him, Derek nodding still not looking at me until he pulled into the driveway.

"So why were you in Paul's office?" I asked. Derek smirked as he turned the car off to turn and look at me.

"Sorry but that's confidential." He said. I rolled my eyes.

"Der-ek." I cried. He laughed.

"Please?" I asked softly as I gave him my best puppy eye look, he groaned as he reached out to take a hold of one of my hands, and I couldn't help feel excited as he squeezed my fingers.

"You're Mom cornered me last night after I got in a fight with Sam, because I didn't want you to blame yourself for what happened I thought if I left it'll be better for you." He said. I frowned remembering him saying he would move to Spain with his Mom, but I didn't want to reveal that I knew so I let him continue.

"But I didn't want to run away I needed to face my fears and seeing you so vulnerable and in tears because of me. Well I wanted to punch myself so I'm glad Sam did because I'm done running Casey." He said turning to look at me. I could feel my own eyes begin to tear up but I couldn't cry especially when I let Emily use all my tissues.

"I promise I'm not running anymore I'm here to stay." He promised and I could see the fierceness in his stare that he spoke the truth. I nodded knowing if I opened my mouth I might reveal what I knew and I couldn't tell Derek just yet.

"Besides I'd miss picking on you." He said with a smirk.

"Way to ruin the moment Derek." I said. He just chuckled as he raised our joining hands turning my hand kissing my palm.

"Don't worry babe, you'll get use to my pranks." He said with a wink as he opened the door. I frowned.

"Wait, what pranks?" I called as I followed after him.

"You'll find out soon." He said behind his back, but I didn't like the way he was smirking at me, and all I could remember was reading about all those pranks he was speaking of, and I did not like them.

"You better not do anything!" I yelled chasing after him through the door ignoring the stares of our family watching us.

"Relax Case, who knows maybe this will jog your memory." He said climbing up the stairs with me following behind.

"Der-ek!" I yelled. He laughed reaching out wrapping his arm around my waist as he pulled me close to his chest as he walked backwards with me into his room.

"How I've missed you screaming my name like that." He said with a smirk. I just rolled my eyes leaning my head against his shoulder glad that Derek had decided to be truthful with me. All I needed was a few more days until I told him the truth, but for now I was going to finish reading my journal entries and then I'd figure out what to do. I just hope Derek will understand when I told him. I couldn't lose him not after getting him back.


End file.
